Model Portfolio ahknaten:KAI

$36 watermellon in Tuktoyaktuk, NWT

"DON'T PANIC".
-- Douglas Adams, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

"Can't rain all the time"
-- "The Crow"

What a difficult week. It's almost hard trying to find something funny to talk about. In the past, we would have O.J., Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, or someone who would do something, and we would take advantage of it and laugh about it (at their expense). Nowadays, this week... well... laughter sucks... and to make it worse... a puffin pooped on it.

Canadian Puffins Panic

To make it worse, our Canadian friends are having an election. That's not too bad; after all they spend much less money than Americans do on elections. So if I can't find something funny in the American side, perhaps my Canadian friends could help? I suppose not. Canadians traditionally are not exactly politically correct. We love humour and we can take a joke for the most part. In fact, if we're just mentioned in the news (good or bad), I think we're just happy that we were mentioned at all. But something bad is happening in the Canadian side as well. Their losing their humor -- politics is becoming 'politically correct' and if something 'funny' happens to occur, it is not supposed to be funny. Canada had a certain politician who made a joke about 'cold cuts', but that was deemed insensitive to those who passed away from eating cold cuts. They had another politician who had to leave a party, as he had promoted pot and LSD in a video (then another politician had promoted weed). One of the candidates was disallowed to a debate because someone did not want them at the debate, but ironically... by refusing entry into the debate, it gave them more press and some Canadians were upset. Ahhh... but if you haven't watched the Canadian news in the past few weeks -- do you know that they had a huge battle over an internet video where a puffin pooped on a politician? This created some hurt feelings and all sorts of things. After all, some puffins were offended too.

So here we are in the United States, and a bunch of crazy crap has happened in the past week, and there are folks acting as if Armageddon is happening. Not to say that Armageddon is or is not happening, after all, I need to maintain some political correctness and not offend anyone. Perhaps what scares me the most is not the market, but the threat that Canadians and Americans might not find anything funny in the future. Can I short humor and go long on puffins in Newfoundland?

Arctic Vegetarians Panic

It's a long way from Newfoundland, but if you lived in Tuktoyaktuk, Northwest Territories, you should panic if you like watermelons. Earlier this year I drove 18000 miles in one month and flew to the Tuktoyaktuk on the Arctic Ocean. I think everyone should skip a trip down south and try a trip up north sometime. Take the Dempsterhighway to Inuvik and follow the path of the 'Ice Road Truckers' to Tuktoyaktuk. It'll certainly give you a better perspective on life and realize how much we take for granted. Many folks in Tuk, live off the land, and they live in harsh conditions... but, they are tremendously friendly, and they have a lot of 'sisu' (Finnish word for determination, guts and perserverance). If you believe in global warming, watch this place -- it's quite possible it could dramatically change, as the permafrost melts, the oceans open up, Pingos change from permafrost action, energy exploration increases and a new road might be built that skips the ice road. Anyways, in Tuk, they have a grocery store and as transportation is expensive, so is any fresh food. Forget finding any fresh meat here, the locals hunt for it and keep it frozen in a permafrost ice cellar. At the time I went, you could buy $12 cold cuts, $12 milk, $14 orange juice ($40 in winter), $33 tub of margarine, $9 for 3 tomatoes, $12 for eggs and $36 for a watermelon. Oh, and if you're a vegetarian who has a craving for fresh vegetables and watermelons... panic.

So, why am I telling you all of this stuff? I have no idea. Well, I have some idea. We take a lot for granted, as life could be worse. Americans could be complaining about videos with puffins pooping, $36 watermelons, or perhaps some politicians could be smoking weed along with a few of the Canadian politicians. In other words, things could get better, they could get worse, but hopefully we can find some humour in here somewhere.

As for Canadians, Americans and puffins... just remember...

"DON'T PANIC" and "it can't rain all the time"

-kai